![]() The punctuation in your story was correct…? I think that the voice in your essay was quite good, but you could add some more? The mechanics in your story was good, you separated your story into different paragraphs and indented it so it was easier to read. Voice/ Mechanics: (Sharon) It somewhat felt like you were talking to the reader. I like how you don’t just write one type of sentences, but alternate between different types. I think that your word choices are good overall, but you can add more descriptions. Your sentence fluency is good because you used a variety of sentence structures and lengths. However, sometimes you used it too much or use it in a cliche way. I like how you used lots of sayings in your essay. Word Choice/ Sentence Fluency: (Jonathan Ho) Your word choice is good overall, such as “vibrant yellow lighting” and “down-to-earth”. For example, in the second paragraph, you failed to identify that ICS was the new school you changed to, making it confusing in the next paragraph when you started talking about ICS. Organization: (Selah Lawrenson) Your transfers from paragraph to paragraph were pretty good overall, yet you failed to link some ideas that would have made smoother transfers. Instead of just stating things you liked about ICS, why not give an example of a short story? This would help to project your ideas to your reader! Ideas/ Content: (Selah Lawrenson) Your ideas were good, but I think you could somehow transfer them into more of a story. Through this high school journey, I try to keep an open mind so that I can improve each day and to develop my own opinions. I strive to have this kind of personality because I think it attracts all kinds of people. Not only have I met people who are hard working and posses good character, but also individuals who are down-to-earth. ![]() Both of these things are important to me because I believe that it helps us to unlock our full potential and to grow as human beings. Here in ICS, I have observed from many people what it means to have good character and what diligence is all about. Without them, I would have stayed the same all throughout my high school career without any improvements. ![]() It wasn’t long until I reached a conclusion that the people at ICS contributed to my school experience, as well as helped me to grow as an individual. The hallways were filled with decorations and vibrant yellow lighting along with friendly faces, and I immediately knew that this was the place I needed to be.Īfter a year at ICS, I began to think about what made this school experience a memorable one. ![]() Over time, I began to get sick of the mentality and attitude found in my school and decided to change schools.Īs soon as I stepped into my new school, I could sense that this place was going to be different from my previous school. Even the students were reluctant to help one another because to them, school was just another competition to see who could eventually get into an Ivy League university. The atmosphere was similar to survival of the fittest where the ones who excel would continue to succeed with the help of teachers, and others who needed the most help would continue to fall behind. That was the kind of mindset people had in my previous school, including myself. ![]() Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.Įvery man for himself. ![]()
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